Life is stranger than fiction
by Rangersmiababe
Summary: Steph and Ranger help Deisel with a small problem that grows into more than they were expecting. Rating is for language and future smut.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Welcome Home

I don't own anything, I am not making any money. I am just trying to get my Ranger fix on, since Janet doesn't seem to be cooperating.

I was standing in my bathroom wrapped in a towel, putting the finishing touches on my make-up, when I heard the locks turn on my front door. I looked at the clock, 6:30. Tank was picking me up for a distraction job tonight and apparently he was early, he wasn't supposed to be here for another half hour.

I pulled my bedroom door almost closed and yelled, "Hey, your early. Watch TV or something while I get dressed." With that I slammed the door the rest of the way shut and started throwing clothes on. No way was I giving any of the merry men an opportunity to see me naked. The clothes I wore for these distraction jobs were bad enough.

Tonight's outfit actually wasn't too bad. We were after a skip that was expected to be at a bar/restaurant close to the government district. It catered to politicians and office workers. I was going for the sexy secretary look with an outfit left over from my days at EE Martin. The black skirt was fitted to make my butt look smaller and my legs longer, coming to an end three inches above my knee. The jacket was cut to accentuate my meager assets, with the help of my Victoria's secret push-up bra. Under the jacket I was wearing a red wrap around shirt. It was cut low in the front to show as much cleavage as possible without being too obvious. Top it off with four inch FMP and I should be able to attract some attention. Since it had been lightly raining all day, I pulled my hair up into a messy bun, leaving a few locks loose to frame my face. Hopefully this will control any frizzing caused by the weather.

Normally Ranger would be picking me up, but he has been out of town for the last three months on a government job. I always worry when he is gone this long, but Tank keeps assuring me that he is checking in on a regular basis and should be back soon. I hate to admit it, even to myself, but I really miss him when he's not around. Aside from the scary physical attraction we have for each other, Ranger has become one of my best and most trusted friends. He has even told me that he loves me, but always qualifies it with "in my own way" or "there are different kinds of love". When Edward Scrog shot Ranger I realized that I loved him too. I still wasn't sure what kind of love it was, but there is no denying the bond we share. I can feel his presence in a room without seeing him, and he always knows what I'm thinking (even when I don't want him to).

With a big sigh and a shake of my head I looked at myself in the mirror. "Come on Wonder Woman, time to take another bad guy back to jail."

I turned to open my bedroom door only to find it already open and Ranger lounging against the frame. His mouth was tipped up in an almost smile.

"Shit, don't you know how to knock" I screamed," You almost gave me a heart attack."

"Don't worry babe, I know CPR." Ranger humor.

Wait a minute here. Ranger? Ranger's back! Without thinking I flung myself at him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt his chest rumble as he chuckled.

"I take it you missed me." He had a smug look on his face. He knew I always missed him when he was gone.

I tried to take a step back, but his arms came around my waist pulling me closer.

"Don't worry Babe, I missed you too." Then his lips were on mine. The kiss was soft and sweet, telling me that he really did miss me.

We pulled back and just looked at each other. "When did you get in?" I asked softly.

"Just now. I wanted to see you before I got bogged down at the office." He stepped back and looked me over from head to toe. "Looking good Babe, Hot date?"

"I guess you could call it that." Ranger really hadn't checked in at the office yet. If he had he would have known about the distraction job tonight. I could have some fun with this. "I'm meeting someone for drinks; it's sort of a blind date."

Ranger had his blank face on, but I noticed his eyes narrow slightly. "What does Morelli have to say about you dating other men?"

I snorted," Morelli hasn't had the right to say anything about anything for over two months." Hmm, Ranger was out of the loop. I guess that's what happens when you spend three months in a third world country.

"The two of you off again?" He said pulling me closer.

"Yeah, permanently."

"If only I could believe that." He whispered. His hands came up to frame my face as his lips crashed down on mine. Unlike the earlier kiss, this one was hungry and demanding. He pushed me back against the wall and pinned me with his body. My hands were fisted in his T-shirt pulling him closer. His tongue plundered my mouth as his hands explored. Sliding from my neck and cupping my breasts. One hand found its way inside my shirt. I moaned as he lightly pinched my hard nipples. Everywhere his hands had touched was on fire. He reached around and grabbed my ass pulling me flush with him. I could feel how hard he was and couldn't hold back another moan that rose from my throat. He kissed a trail along my jaw and down my neck. When he reached my pulse point, he sucked the skin into his mouth and gently bit down. "Oh God, Ranger" I moaned.

I lost all coherent thought. The only thing that existed at this moment was Ranger and what he was doing to me.

Suddenly he pushed me behind him as he pulled his gun, pointing it at something in my living room. I peered over his shoulder to see Tank with his hands up, grinning from ear to ear.

"Got to be more aware of your surroundings boss." Tank laughed as he dropped his hands to his sides.

"Shit" Ranger muttered, still glaring at Tank. He reholstered his gun and snaked an arm around my waist, pulling me up to stand beside him. "Don't you know how to knock?"

Hey, that's my line.

"I did knock; when no one answered I let myself in." Tank laughed even harder, "Man, I had to clear my throat three times before you even noticed me. Thought I was gonna have to throw cold water on you two." By this time Tank was doubled over laughing. I could feel my face getting redder by the minute.

Ranger pulled me closer and buried his face in my neck. "We're never going to hear the end of this Babe."

"Oh God," I groaned.

Tank heard me and collapsed on the floor. I think the whole building shook from the impact. "Oh God, Ranger!" He yelled in a falsetto voice.

"Alright this is getting embarrassing." I was starting to get pissed.

Ranger gave me a peck on the lips, and then pushed me toward the bedroom. "Go fix your make-up Babe. I'll take care of laughing boy here."

I did as I was told. When I returned to the living room Ranger was seated in my one good chair looking over the file on tonight's skip. Tank was on the couch, looking like he just lost his best freind.

"What did you do to him?" I asked Ranger, jerking my thumb toward a rather depressed looking Tank.

"I told him if he didn't stop laughing, he would be escorting you to mall tomorrow. Feel free to invite Lula, and Mary Lou." I couldn't help but laugh out loud, all the merry men hated going to the mall with me.

"That's cruel man, real cruel," Tank grumbled.

Ranger sat back with a 'don't fuck with me' face on. He turned his attention to me. His eyes scanning from head to toe. I could feel myself blushing from his scrutiny.

"Ready to go? Time to take another bad guy back to jail." He had an almost smile on as he repeated my words from earlier.

I gave him a big smile,"Yup, are you coming along?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

The ride to 'Poppa's Pasta' was silent as always. Ranger was in his zone. I pulled the file on tonight's skip out of my bag and looked over it one last time. James Wilson was an accountant, accused of embezzling close to a million dollars from the save the children organization. Scum bag! Fortunately he was a first time offender and non-violent. Wilson was 42 years old with thinning blond hair; 5'10" and weighed 160 lbs. He kinda reminded me of my ex-husband, Dickie, the horse's ass.

This should be a pretty routine operation tonight. Woody would be the inside man. Cal and Junior were covering the back door. Tank and Binkie on the front.

Ranger parked the turbo about a half block from the restaurant. He turned in his seat giving me a strange look. Usually at this point he would kiss me senseless as he slipped the wire into my bra. Tonight he just sat there watching me. I tried my best not to fidget, he was making me nervous.

"What? Do I have food stuck in my teeth or something?" I said louder than I intended.

He looked like he was thinking of smiling. "Babe got a job for you."

"Okay, what did you have in mind? Distraction, surveillance, background searches?" In the past I had done a variety of odd jobs for Rangeman LLC. They were usually pity jobs for when I was short on rent money, but occasionally I would fill in when one of the guys were on vacation or injured. As far as I knew none of the guys were hurt, and my rent was up to date.

"All of the above."

"Huh" I really need to expand my vocabulary. Ranger's lips twitched into an almost smile. Great, He thought this was funny.

"I'll buy you dinner after we're done here, and we can go over the details."

My face lit up. 'Woo Hoo, free food!'

I must have said that out loud because Ranger gave a bark of laughter," I guess that means yes?"

I could feel my face turning red," As long as you don't make me eat salad." I pouted. A girl had to have some boundaries.

He reached across the seat and pulled me to him. "You can have anything you want." He whispered just before he kissed me. I felt his tongue outline my lips and I sighed as I opened them, granting him access. He took his time exploring every inch of my mouth. I wonder if Ranger was on the menu. Yum. One hand was at the back of my neck and the other was making its way into the front of my wrap around shirt. I moaned when his hand cupped my breast. His thumb was making slow circles over my hard nipple.

Then Ranger pulled back. I had to shake my head a few times to clear the hormone induced fog. Ranger was talking so I tried to concentrate on what he was saying.

"Woody's your inside man, Cal and Junior are outback and Tank and I will be at the front door. Your skip is already inside." He gave me a peck on the lips, "Go get em tiger."

I gave him a big smile, "Piece of cake."

Ranger and I climbed out of the car at the same time. He headed toward the SUV that had pulled up behind us. I could see Tank in the driver's seat with Binkie riding shot gun. I gave them a little finger wave and sashayed my way into the restaurant.


	2. Chapter 2

chapter two

Update

I don't own anything and am making no money from this. Big sigh.

Ranger's POV

I sat in the passenger seat of the bronco watching Stephanie walk into the bar. The woman had no idea what she did to me. I had spent the last three months dreaming about her. Watching her ass sway in that tight skirt was driving me crazy.

Once she had disapeared behing the bar door, I turned to Tank for a status report. "Steph said her and Morelli broke up again. What happened this time?"

"I'm pretty sure it's permanent this time."

I gave a derisive snort, "I've heard that before. She always goes running back to the bastard." Damn, that sounds winy even to me.

"Things are different this time. They got into it at the police station and things got really ugly."

"How ugly?" My whole body went still, my fists clenched, breathing shallow. I was ready to kill the asshole if he hurt one hair on her head.

"Couple days after you left, Lester was at the bonds office dropping off a body receipt. Steph had a file on a guy wanted for manslaughter. The skip got into a bar fight and ended up beating the other guy to death."

Looks like I needed to have another talk with Vinnie about giving Steph dangerous skips. He only pulled this crap when I was out of town.

"Steph didn't look real happy about going after the guy, so Lester volunteered himself to help." Tank continued, "She actually took him up on the offer. Said he'd probably just follow her anyway."

I had to smile at this. My Babe could be very bull headed when it came to accepting help. Of course she was right, Lester would have followed her. I would have kicked his ass if he hadn't.

Tank chucked a little. "Turns out she didn't need the help after all. Skip was passed out drunk when they got there. The only thing Lester did was help her drag his ass to the car. They were dragging the skip across the parking lot at the cop shop when Steph tripped on a rock. Scraped her elbow and chin. It was caught on camera, so everyone in the booking area was ribbing her about walking and chewing gum at the same time."

I could just see it. She hated being teased, but sometimes she made it too easy to resist.

"Morelli walked into the room, took one look at the blood on her face and went ballistic. Started ranting and raving about how she was incompetent, and the only reason she wasn't dead already was because you had your men taking care of her. She didn't say a word until he started implying that she must be 'taking care of us' or we wouldn't be so willing to help her when you were out of town." Tank broke into a huge smile.

"Wait till you see it man, it was a beautiful sight. Steph ripped into him saying we helped her because we cared about her, not because she was servicing us, or because anyone one was paying us. She said every Rangeman was a better friend to her than he had ever been, and that she preferred our company over self centered, overbearing, Italian detectives who jumped to conclusions." Tank started laughing again, "Morelli's face was so red it looked like he was about to have a stroke."

I was a little confused. "How am I going to see it. I thought this happened months ago?"

"Let me finish, then you'll understand." Tank pulled himself together and continued, "Steph turned to walk out, Morelli grabbed her arm and pushed her up against the wall. Lester heard her yelp and slugged Morelli. All the cops that had been standing around watching the show rushed in to restrain them. Morelli was screaming to have Lester arrested for assaulting an officer.

Steph and Lester were taken to an interview room and left to cool off. The chief came in a half hour later and showed them the video from the surveillance camera in the booking area. He was not happy that one of his detectives was basically abusing a woman in the middle of the police station, and to make it worse not one of his officers had stepped in to stop it. He asked Steph if she wanted to press assault charges against Morelli, appologised to Lester and told him he was free to go."

I couldn't believe Morelli had the balls to pull something like this. He could be a controlling asshole, but I always believed that Steph was safe with him. He was a good cop, I thought he was a good man. How could I have been so wrong? "Did she press charges?"

"No." I glared at Tank. He held a hand up in a wait motion. "I don't know why, you'll have to ask her. We have a copy of the video incase she changes her mind."

I settled back in my seat. I could hear Steph over my earpiece. She hadn't been in there more than five minutes and it sounded like she already had this guy eating out of her hand. I had to smile. She was laughing at something he said. What a sweet sound.

"So what's going on now?" Everything had happened three months ago. I needed to know what the situation was today.

"Steph may not have pressed charges, but the chief was still pretty pissed. He ordered Morelli to take anger management classes and banned him from the booking area unless he had a need to be there."

"What about Steph?" Damn it Tank. I need to know how my babe is.

"Steph took it as a wake up call. She's been training." Tank laughed at my shocked expression. "It's true man. All her idea. She asked Santos to help her get better at her job. When the rest of the guys found out they put a guilt trip on her until she included them. Cardio three to four times a week, self defense and gun range twice."

"Are you telling me Steph runs, voluntarily three to four times a week?" The only way Steph ran was if there was a sale at Macy's.

"No, I said she did cardio. I'll let her tell you what it is. Best part is that Lula is with her every step of the way. They're both getting pretty good."

I can't beleive things have changed so much in such a short period of time. I knew Steph was capable if only she put her mind to it. I find myself looking forward to seeing my Babe in action. She was a force of nature without proper training, with it, she will be unstoppable.

Tank tapped me on the arm, bringing me out of my 'zone' as Steph calls it. " Let's go, sounds like she's got him moving to the back door.

We both got out and headed around to the back of the building.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Distracted

I stepped into the restaurant and took a look around. Inside was a large dinning room filled mostly with family types, moms and dads trying to control kids that were either screaming or trying to run around the room. I gave an involuntary shudder. I may have just discovered a new form of birth control.

There was a half wall separating the dinning room from a bar that ran the length of one wall, this was occupied by mostly business types. Wilson was sitting toward the rear of the bar. Judging by the number of cigarette butts in the ashtray in front of him, he had been here awhile. Good, hopefully he would be ready to go soon. The bar was crowded but there was an empty chair right next to Wilson. I wondered if Woody had recently vacated it. I walked toward him and asked," Umm, is this seat taken?"

He gave me the once over, His gaze lingering on my cleavage. "It is now, have a seat Sweetheart."

I slipped my jacket off and hung it on the back of my chair before sitting. His eyes widened appreciatively as he took in the sleeveless low cut shirt. The bartender approached and I ordered a rum and diet coke. When he returned with my drink, Wilson gave me a big smile and paid for it. "My treat sweetheart, I hate drinking alone. My name's Jamie."

"Thanks for the drink. I'm Michelle." I said with a shy but flirty smile. This was going to be even easier than I thought. Wilson was way past tipsy and He was looking at me like I was desert. I crossed my legs so my skirt rode up, exposing the lace tops of my thigh highs. Wilson's eyes got even wider.

"So Michelle, what do you for a living?" His voice was low and husky. He placed his hand on my knee. I couldn't stop the shudder of revulsion that passed through me at the physical contact. Thank god he was still watching my legs, because he mistook my reaction for excitement.

"I'm a secretary in a lawyer's office." I could feel his fingers tracing small circles on my leg.

"Hmm, anyone I know?" His hand was slowly making its way north. I shuddered again.

"Richard Orr. Do you know him?" Dickie was a lying, cheating jackass when we were married so I figured lying about him now was part of the divorce settlement.

Wilson's head popped up,"Dickie? Yeah I know Dickie. The guy's a real jackass." We both started laughing.

"That's an understatement." I choked out. "He thinks he's god's gift to women."

"I heard he can't keep a secretary for more than two weeks." Wilson had stopped laughing, but was still smiling from ear to ear.

"I just started last week and I'm already looking through the want ads. You know, he tries to grab my ass at least ten a day. I'm not sure if I should file harassment charges or just kick him in the balls." In all honesty there is nothing I would enjoy more than kicking Dickie in the balls.

"Kick him in the balls, Sweetheart. It will be more satisfying for you and hurt him worse." He was still smiling but it was more of a wolf smile as his fingers finally made their way to the lace at the top of my stockings. "Besides, no man should be touching such a fine ass without asking first."

I gave him a sly smile of my own, "Are you asking?" The Dickie bashing had been fun, but it was time to get back to work.

Wilson looked at his hand on my thigh and practically growled, "Oh yeah, I'm asking."

I placed my hand on top of his to keep it from going any higher, and looked over to the dining room. I was trying to draw his attention to the fact that we were within view of small children. My blood ran cold when I noticed Joe's mother and Grandma Bella being seated at one of the tables.

Shit, shit, shit. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. OK. They hadn't seen me yet, so if I could get this guy to leave right now, I had a chance to make a clean get away.

I turned back to Wilson and leaned into him. Trying to shield myself from the Morelli women. "My apartment is two blocks from here." I purred into his ear, "We can talk about what you want to touch when we get there."

Wilson practically jumped to his feet pulling me with him. I grabbed my jacket and started for the back door. He was so close behind me I could feel his breath on my neck. I had the door open and was half way out when I heard, "Stephanie Plum! Who is this man and where do you think your going."

I lunged for the door, but Wilson grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me back inside.

"Stephanie Plum?" He screamed in my ear, "You fucking bitch." I gues my reputation had preceded me.

Then someone, I'm assuming it was Woody, slammed into Wilson from behind sending all of us flying out the door. There was only a small concrete stoop that wasn't large enough for all three of us. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. I lost my balance and stumbled off the stoop. Since Wilson still had a hold on my hair, I pulled him with me. Woody had Wilson's free arm twisted behind his back and we all ended up face first in the mud; me on the bottom.

The wind was knocked out of me on impact. With the weight of two large men on me, I couldn't draw a breath. My arms and legs were flailing in a futile attempt to dislodge Woody and Wilson. My chest was burning from lack of oxygen.

Just great. After everything that I've been through, this is how I'm going to die. Face down in the mud, squashed beneath two men. My mother would never be able to show her face in the Burg again.

I heard Cal and Junior shouting, "Get off of her! Your gonna smother her!"

I felt the weight being removed, then Cal rolled me onto my back. I drew in large mouthfulls of air.

"Bombshell, are you OK. Does anything hurt?" Who would have thought that a guy with a flaming skull tattooed on his forehead could look so worried.

I gave him a weak smile, "the only thing hurt is my pride Cal. I'm fine."

Reaching down to help me stand he broke into a big smile. "Only you Bomber. I wish I had a camera. Never seen anything like it. It was like watching a train wreck. You knew what was coming but couldn't stop it."

"Thanks, I think." Sometimes I liked these guys better when they didn't talk. I turned and saw Ranger and Tank round the corner of the building. They slowed and started smiling when they saw me covered head to toe in mud. They stopped suddenly and I watched as their blank faces slammed down. They focused on something behind me. I turned around and there on the stoop stood Grandma Bella and Mrs. Morelli.

"Stephanie Plum, What is the meaning of this. We go out for a quiet dinner and see you picking up strange men in a bar. Where is Joseph?" Grandma Bella demanded. Just what I needed, and to top it off, the drizzle that had been falling all day just turned into a down pour. Why me? At least maybe the rain will wash the mud off me.

"I was not picking anyone up in a bar. The man skipped bail and I was trying to get him outside so Ranger's men could apprehend him without disrupting everyone's dinner." Which would have worked if they had just minded their own buisness. "I don't know or care where Joe is, We broke up three months ago." Like they didn't already know.

"You broke up, bah. If you would stop acting like a child; rolling in the mud, flirting with men, dressing like a cheap whore; then you would see. You and Joseph belong together. You should be married and having babies, but no. Not Stephanie Plum. You have to be free, you want to fly. You live in a fantasy world. You are thirty three and you have nothing. Your poor mother..."

She was still going, but I blocked her out. I had heard it all before anyway. I needed to grow up, get married, have children, settle down, and get a real job, blah, blah, blah. They weren't saying anything that my own mother hadn't said a million times. I really didn't want to hear it again. I knew from past experience arguing would only make it worse. It goes faster if you just let them have their say.

I was planning on going to the grocery store tomorrow, so as the Morelli Ladies rambled on I made a list in my head. Tastycakes, milk, bread, Hamster food, tastycakes, baby carrots, peanut butter, tastycakes, ice cream, olives, grapes...

I was interrupted by a car door slamming. I looked up to find a very angry Joe striding toward me. Great! I wonder who called him.

"Jesus Christ Stephanie! I'm supposed to be on a stake out. I've gotten ten phone calls already. Everything from you picking up men in bars to you mud wrestling with my grandmother. From the looks of you, I don't know what to believe. "

"Believe what you want to believe Joe. This is none of your business anyway."

"None of my business? My girlfriend is rolling around in the mud dressed like a slut, and it's none of my business?"

"One, I am not your girlfriend. We broke up, remember? Two I am not dressed as a slut. I used to wear this when I worked in an office. Three, I was not rolling around in the mud. I was doing my job." I looked over my shoulder and motioned toward Tank and Ranger. Tank was turned toward Ranger with a hand on his chest, as if he were holding him back. Both were still wearing their blank faces. I turned back to Joe, "I was helping Rangeman with an FTA that was at the bar."

Joe was looking over my shoulder with his eyes narrowed, "Ranger's back. Well that explains everything doesn't it."

"Excuse me! What's that supposed to mean?" I was cold and wet and covered in mud. I was so not in the mood to stand here and have my freinds insulted by my ex-boyfreind.

"Come on Steph. Everybody knows all he has to do is give you a pat on the head and you'll bring him his slippers like a good little puppy." Joe sneered

My jaw dropped and my hand made contact with Joe's face. I didn't even think, I just slapped him as hard as I could.

I was now in full rhino mode; hands on hips, head bobbing, Jersey girl attitude. Lula would have been proud. "Who the hell do you think you are. How dare you say something like that to me. How long did I spend running to you when you called. 'The boys missed me', 'Bob missed me', 'come over and watch the ranger's game'. You can call our relationship anything you want, but all we really were was fuck buddies, Joe. The only time you had to spare for me was when your dick was hard. When things went wrong in my life, you sent me to Ranger for him to clean up the mess. You always talked about getting married and having kids, but you never once proposed to me. You were always more worried about what was going on between me and Ranger, than what was between you and I. You were the one who would hide behind work and lie to me about where you were and what you were doing. Why would I want to marry someone like that?"

I took a deep breath. " We broke up because I don't want to do this anymore. I'm cold and wet and covered in mud. I'm done." With that I turned to walk away.

Joe grabbed my arm and spun me back around to face him. "That's where you're wrong Cupcake, we'll never be done. You've been mine since you were six, I was your first, and we have history. There's no way I'm going to let it end like this."

"We may have history Joe, but that doesn't mean we have a future. You had your chance. Now its time to move on." I pulled my arm from his grasp and walked away.


End file.
